Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Television's prominent entertainers used their evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's just announced immigration program, dubbed the "Trump card," portraying it as a obvious cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Witty Analysis

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas tune about the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... spoils each thing he handles."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative which allows international individuals to purchase U.S. residency for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" version for 5 million. The program's website promises approval "in record time."

"A quick note here to rich applicants: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the card is also intended to "get cash" from firms wishing to hire skilled workers, with hefty fees. "That is a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choosing – if it's the that one hotel," he said.

"Unprecedented vetting the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will let affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining approval numbers amid financial concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a effort to address prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a array of food items, and reacted oddly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.